"Only in Our Loneliness Can Home Become a Hell"
The fourth blog of the Tempers & Truths Series by the Vidas Robadas team, exploring loneliness and community in the context of violence, politics, and advocacy.
This past weekend, the Texas Hill Country saw devastating floods that left more than 100 dead and even more still missing. Many of the lives lost came from an all-girls camp in Hunt, Texas. As someone who grew up at a summer camp along the Guadalupe River, this tragedy hit especially close to home. In the initial hours, I feared for the few people I knew who were in danger, but in the days since, my heart has hurt for the camp community and all those affected. I know what it feels like to call a camp home, and I can only imagine the loss I would feel if that were taken from me. As Texans grieve this horrific tragedy, survivors and leaders are searching for answers as to how to support those in need and why the event was so destructive in the first place. For a more in-depth look at the flood, check out my colleague, Rev. Dr. Becca Edward’s blog.
However, social media and online comments have taken the tragedy as an opportunity to make divisive political commentary. Many controversial online comments have made headlines for their cold and offensive takes on the tragedy, like a Texas pediatrician stating that the victims are getting what they voted for, and a former Houston mayoral appointee expressing frustration at the media coverage of the tragedy at an “all-white Christian camp”.
Not all of the hateful commentary has come from the left. Some of the vitriol from the right in the last week has attempted to place the blame on the federal government based on conspiratorial thinking about "cloud seeding" and other forms of weather manipulation. But that being said, the political leanings of the comments are not the point. Whether it is doubting the legitimacy of the disaster or justifying the pain it has caused, people are choosing to cast blame and make “points” rather than empathizing with those who have lost everything.
The reaction that people are having to this tragedy is a prime example of how extreme our political polarization has become, something that my colleague, Bobby Watson, discussed in a blog on political violence. In his blog, Bobby explores how our political culture has become obsessed with blame and retribution. As we delve into the ‘why’ surrounding tragedies, we hyperfixate on the political identity of those perceived to be at fault. Instead of seeing each other as neighbors and coming together in a time of grief, we are taking grim satisfaction in the pain of the “other team”. This is what is happening in the wake of the floods in Texas; these people are claiming it is a good thing that children died because they disagree with the political leaning of the county. Divisive, and frankly, offensive, comments only throw salt into the wounds of grieving families and prevent us from finding solutions.
As a part of my research into gun violence, I recently read a book titled The Violence Project by Jillian Peterson and James Densley, which discusses the mass shooting epidemic in the US and potential solutions to it. The book opens with a powerful discussion on how we perceive mass shooters as monsters. The violence that they enact is so horrific that we mark the perpetrators as inhuman, and we attempt to separate ourselves from them. They are an unknowable, external evil that threatens society.
The authors of The Violence Project argue that by perceiving mass shooters as something outside of us, we make it impossible to see how our society is creating them. They are people just like us. They go to school with us, work with us, and they grow up with us. More often than not, mass shooters are shaped, not born. In their research, the authors find that perpetrators of violence have usually experienced significant trauma, which leads them to feel angry and lonely. Their isolation, which is both self-inflicted and due to otherization, the alienation of these perpetrators by society, makes it easier to hurt people, children even. Mass shooters often see themselves as victims and believe those they hurt deserve what’s coming to them, a sentiment that feels more commonplace nowadays than it should. When we have doctors and leaders who seem to share that sentiment in justifying the deaths of children, clearly, we have a problem. Gun violence research shows us that isolation and loneliness make people callous and vulnerable, and we are struggling with a loneliness epidemic in America.
America’s struggle with gun violence shows us that the loneliness epidemic is reflected in not just mass shootings, but also rising suicide rates. In 2023, 58% of gun-related deaths were suicides in the United States, making up well over half of all gun-related deaths. Research shows a strong correlation between loneliness and suicide, and that rates of suicides have been increasing since at least the COVID-19 Pandemic, a deeply isolating event. While loneliness and isolation can make it easier to dehumanize and hurt others, it also means there is no one there to help you out when you are hurting.
It is clear that loneliness contributes to violence, but its relationship with violence is also cyclical. According to a 2019 study, exposure to community violence leads to higher social isolation, lower perceived social support, and ultimately, higher levels of loneliness. The constant occurrence of violence leads people to feel lonely, and these feelings of isolation, in concert with other factors, can drive victims to become violent perpetrators themselves.
Those not directly affected by gun violence are impacted too. Fear of potential violence leads many to isolate themselves. Research has shown that those who live in areas of high crime tend to stay inside their homes out of concern for their safety. This results in social isolation, which is associated with shorter life expectancy. Self-induced isolation feels particularly relevant as the US struggles with growing political violence and mass shooting events. People are worried about being out in public, which can lead to more isolation at the detriment of mental health.
At this moment, it feels as though we are all at risk of becoming victims of loneliness. We are stuck in a self-destructive cycle of otherization, isolation, and violent outbursts. Things are hard and scary, and the endless stream of negative headlines has created an isolation response. As we doom scroll through social media, we are bombarded with a daily dose of violence, overly covered by the media, while being ignored by legislators. The constant negativity is depressing and overwhelming, which makes isolation tempting. However, giving in to our segmentation prevents us from understanding how to help each other, and isolation prevents us from seeing how to help ourselves. In order to ground ourselves in a sense of collective humanity, we must not fall into the temptation of isolation, but instead intentionally seek out conversation and community.
Community building is a foundational tool in violence prevention. For those who have been affected by gun violence, whether that be as perpetrators or victims, finding community is an essential step toward rehabilitation. One clear example of community building is through the work of community violence intervention (CVI) programs, which are invested directly in the communities where violence occurs. A key part of violence intervention involves building social support systems for those who are at risk of enacting violence, victims of violence, or those who have previously enacted violence. CVI groups work to build community by going into neighborhoods, establishing trust by giving people immediate relief, and continuing to show up when they are needed.
This type of work is mostly done through the use of credible messengers, people who are from the neighborhoods experiencing high levels of violence. Credible messengers are trusted by their community members and work to mediate violent situations. Many of these violence interrupters were once perpetrators of violence themselves, putting them in a position of understanding that allows them to connect with those stuck in systemic violence.
Sometimes, community can be found in one person who understands what you are going through or knows that you are in crisis. In The Violence Project, the authors discuss screening young people at schools and doctors' visits to identify traumatic experiences. Once a trusted adult, like a doctor or teacher, is aware of the trauma a child has experienced, there is an opportunity to connect the child to the necessary resources. Unfortunately, home can be an isolating and dangerous place for some, meaning it is critical to use schools and other community institutions to identify kids in need and provide outside connections. By identifying a crisis early and providing a child with a supportive community, trauma and then violence can be mitigated.
Building a community of people with shared experiences can provide an avenue for conversation that fosters awareness of the issue and seeks solutions. Instead of stewing in a traumatic experience alone, community building can help individuals process their experiences and translate them into positive change.
The cultivation of community and understanding is one of the main goals of Vidas Robadas. By focusing on the idea of loss through memorializing victims of gun violence, Vidas Robadas can bring together those who have experienced loss and provide a safe place for people to share their stories. Vidas Robadas can be the starting point for fostering a better understanding of people’s struggles and perspectives. In its two years of existence, the Vidas Robadas project has connected people across numerous nonprofit organizations, universities, congregations, CVI programs, elected officials, and gun violence survivors to build a diverse network working together to make safer, more resilient communities.
In instances of tragedy, people must come together to grieve and to support one another. That is essential to being able to have conversations about what happened and what can be changed in the future. It is important that people are in community together, no matter their background or political identity. Solutions are not found through hatred of our neighbors, but through our sense of collective humanity. Just as it is important for people to come together after a horrific shooting, we now need to come together and support each other after these devastating floods.
Over the past week, there has been a tremendous outpouring of support for the clean-up and recovery efforts from large corporations, elected officials, small businesses, and even ordinary citizens. The tremendous outpouring of compassion and support from not just Texas but the whole nation is a hopeful example of our capacity for community. While we are tempted to give in to loneliness and isolation, it is encouraging to see so many choose the alternative. The work feels a lot less lonely and a lot more possible when it has the power of a community of people behind it.